My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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