you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
