We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
