I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize