Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
