You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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