If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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