Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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