I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
