Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
