no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
