??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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