I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
