Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
