if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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