i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.