I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.