youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?