it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?