if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer