Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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