So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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