eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
