Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
