He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She even gives head with a lisp.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
