I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
