Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.