I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick