He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite