I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize