last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I want a musical about memes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize