So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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