You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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