Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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