my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
