Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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