Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .