Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
