I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize