miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
