I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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