Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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