I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
