Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting