I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD