do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.