he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
