Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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