Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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