took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
