Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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