I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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