i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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