I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"