I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.