Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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