I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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