I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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