the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
